Friday, September 30, 2005

Growing up

It is a really good feeling when you know you have grown up- somewhat (Smile)!

No more pouting at the big stuff.

Just the little stuff: like your last bit of butter pecan icecream fell on the floor of the kitchen and you think its too gross to even lick the top part of it off the floor.

Now that you are grown up, you can allow people to be who they are and still be their friend.

They can be distant and not return calls promptly or emails for that matter, but because you are grown up now and you still like them, you know that you will be there for them in a heartbeat, and you still think they are really great.

So whenever they contact you or 5 years from now you can sit down and catch up just like old times.

So that is what I like about being grown up - emotionally I mean.

Janice says that "Growing up is also knowing that people suck and that you can't change people"

I like the fact that it's always a good thing when you finally realize and can accept that.


Thursday, September 29, 2005

WHY? I Don't Understand ...It's so Hard for me

This is gonna be a sad post for me I think. Maybe a little therapeutic I don't know.

I was watching a rerun of KING OF QUEENS where Doug admits to having met a girl (Janine Garofolo) and bought tickets for a concert six months in the future so that the girl would feel assured that he was really into having a relationship with her and sleep with him.

After she slept with him, he snuck out of her apartment and stole 20 dollars from her for cab fare.
Of course the girl was messed up and everything, but this episode was not funny to me at all.

It was really sad. It was one of the worst things I ever found out that men do to women.

The really bad thing that I realize, is that some men do this stuff all the time and 100 times worse.

It is true.
I know personally of guys who do heinous things all the time to women. They think it is fine to do it and that it doesn't hurt anyone.

Over and over.
I can't and I refuse to describe it here, but it makes a part of me so ill and sad all the time to think about it.

I say nothing can surprise me anymore, but that is a lie.
Everytime I find out something new I am surprised.
I am surprised that one person can be so cruel to another person.

I am surprised that a man can be exposed to the most loving and caring woman in the world and still allow so much evil in his heart to hurt her.

All I can do is pray for my friends for protection for them.

You know Jeremiah 17:9-10 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

I really don't understand and I will never understand why....

I try tell myself it's because they can...but that never really means anything.

So I just go on with life and try to do the best I can. To be obedient to what God says and make sure that nobody in this world suffers as a result of me being in it.

I want people to be happy and blessed as a result of knowing me. I wish this was other people's goal as well but it isn't.

Thank God for all my good friends, they are the best people you can ever hope to meet. Really sweet, and endearing, kind to a fault and never with an evil intent. They are not perfect by any means but THEY are some great beings. Let me list some...Erline, Janice, Nancy, Ana, Althea, Neville, Don, Marisa, Alietha, Edith, Marcia, Cody, Ramona, Selina, Kelly, Emily, Becky, Jeri, Adrienne, Jim, Jori, Laurel, Kiki, Kim......

I can't list all of them but these people stand out to me right now. I meet new and great people all the time though.

Read Janice's blog today because she has a different take on things. Nothing surprises her anymore...

Well I hope I didn't depress anyone but sad things happen in life to good people and the great thing is that we can work through them together. Yeah!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

"The Ultimate Party Band"

I don't usually do plugs and this is not a plug, but my friend's brother Mikey manages a band called 'NEW DAY: The Ultimate Party Band'.

I haven't heard them but people have said they are great.

Mikey is the guy in the black T-shirt.


Tuesday, September 27, 2005


I saw 'Closer' today starring Julia Roberts, Clive Owens, Jude Law and Natalie Portman.

I didn't like it at all.

It was a good movie with good acting but it left me feeling very awkward, bad, weird, unceratin, lost, confused, disoriented

It was really mean and nasty and stressful to me because I know people who behave that way.


Michael McDonald

When I met Michael McDonald at this afterparty, I was thrilled beyond belief!

I had loved him since I was 10 years old. I think that was when he sang 'On My Own" with Patti Labelle.

I thought he was the nicest man ever when I was younger.

I always liked guys with beards then (maybe because of Santa Claus and his presents), so Kenny Rogers was also a crush back in the day (Hahahah!).

So I finally meet Michael and he says (get this) that I am beautiful.
Well hell's bells he had a fan for life after that! (I am laughing as I write this).
You can't see too well, but he has a wrist band on. He's injured his hand while he was free wheeling with his son.
Oh, and I look so wide because I am holding my huge purse on my shoulder which I finally got rid of a couple weeks ago

That party was so good because I also got to talk to his drummer who is very talented and has worked with some of the best musicians in the business!

Meanwhile his skin looked so soft, I wanted to pinch his cheek to see, but whatever..... He is a really nice and friendly person. I kinda thought he would be taller though.

For the Love of....

You know how I like Saki and did my post of him? Well before I read any of his stuff, I read Merle Hodge's Book 'Crick Crack Monkey'.

It was excellent. I knew
I wanted to write after I read her book when I was 10 or 11 or so.
We actually studied the book in High School literature class. Here is a little bit of info on her.

Ms Hodge is a Lecturer at the Department of Language & Linguistics at U.W.I, St Augustine. She has co-ordinated seminars dealing with "The Rearing of the Caribbean Child", "The Media and National Development" and many other conferences. She has written extensively as a freelance journalist and has published two novels, "Crick Crack Monkey" and "The Life of Laetitia", and several short stories for children, essays, articles on Caribbean family, Caribbean language, women's issues, and education.

Check out this pic of can tell she has so much to offer in the literary world...She is so matter- of -fact too..a lot of the students hated her!

I went to undergrad at the University of the West Indies and met her for the first time when I went to query a grade for a mandatory literature class of hers that all science majors had to take.

I was a little bit irritated with her about my grade (because of course I thought I was hot stuff at age 18--Thank goodness I grew out of that!), but later on throughout the years, I gave her some of my short stories to read and she asked me to audit a class of hers.

I did.

I went to the class (during my worst jam packed Biochemistry semester), did all the assignments and we would talk afterward.

She felt strongly that I should publish and I definately will.

I have only done like a textbook and some scientific papers, but of course my dream is fiction.

My goodness!
Just to know this woman is a great experience in and of itself.
She is one of the brightest, smartest people I have ever met besides my best friend in Trinidad, Erline Andrews who wrote the 'Romance of Being Alone'.

I hope in the future that people say that about knowing me.

I highly recommend to all, read 'Crick Crack Monkey'...It will give you insight into Caribbean life and more.

Downtown sunsets

I hope my camera captured what I saw in real time.

I thought these pictures were so cool.
See the streaky light effect? I think that that was because of the Rain X on the windshield but it added so much to the picture I think.
This is Tennessee Street.

These are a couple at Bradford and Monroe. They were so nice and peaceful. Disregard the cars and the silly Hooters sign (blech).

This last pic is so Sci fi. I love it!

Janice's Birthday!

Janice spent most of her birthday on a bus. She's 28 but looks way younger!
I am sure she will blog her adventures to include the greasy windows (I had to tell her the story about my leisure curl when I was a teenager), and talking Mexicans so I'm gonna link to her blog in a while.
When she got back we took her to dinner and had some fun. We went to Italian Pie because she loves lasagne, had never been there and likes to sample from new places.
I think that is one of her new favorite places now.
At the restaurant of course we met somebody new.

The waiter was so cool and friendly...He kinda hung out with us, and they don't really have a birthday policy, but he ended up giving Janice her Tiramisu for free (Too sweet!).
Check out Janice with Justin/Dave, (his name is Dave but we thought he looked more like a Justin).
Here is a pic of me and Justin/Dave.

After dinner we went to Fresh Market to explore ( I love that store-check out my Food blog).

Later we headed to the Dorothy B Oven Park because Janice had never been in there. It was lit up so it looked really nice (of course at Christmas it's like magic).

After that we headed downtown to see what else was open. We got a great look at the sunset and I will blog those sunsets later because I have great pictures of them.
We ended up at BW3, to end up the evening (Janice and Mark are big football fans- I am not). Here we are just chilling out. Yep those are some tall drinks. What you don't see is that at the end of the night, they were about the same height as when they came to us. Hah!
Hugs M

Monday, September 26, 2005

Can You Identify?

My friend Ron wrote this poem. I thought it was great so I decided to post it. Feel free to comment.

Dreams of My Mind
Have you ever been on a plain that goes on for miles and miles and never ends,
Have you ever flown in a plane that has no wings,
Have you ever planned for a vacation to another world where aliens live,
Have you ever dreamed of the one you love to love you back with all their heart.
For all these are just dreams that make no sense
But in reality we all dream of the life the way it should be,
The dreams we have are the dreams we try to live,
The life we live are the dreams that never materialized.
We strive for the mountain of dreams to only end up in the valley of fantasy.

My dreams come from the heart but they too often go to the head,
The reality of the dream never seems to make it past the first page,
It dies in the preface of my memory.
One day I would love to see a dream,
That was just for you and me to make it past the plains of my mind,
Into the air on a plane so divine,
The plan can be seen,
That my life is all more than just a dream in my head or in my heart,
I just want my dreams of you and me living on for all eternity in reality not a world of fantasy.....

Man alive, I haven't read anything like this in a while. Doesn't this just take you away?
Hugs M

Too Much Talk?

Janice and some of us were talking and I came to a realization.

I am really too oblivious for words sometimes. I am having problems posting pics today so I am just going to talk right now. This post doesn't really need pictures anyway.

So we are driving back from Fresh Market on Thomasville road and talking about people we'd seen all around in different towns, and locations. The conversation got interesting when I learned from some of the people in the car, that SOME WOMEN like to sleep with random guys they meet, just as a matter of course.

Just because.
Just like that.
Just for fun.

I thought that it was men who liked to do that and I told them so...

They asked me: Why do you think guys go up to you or women in general at a bar or a party or wherever, and start talking?

I said: I just think they wanna talk and make friends, unless they come right out and say something else.

They said: WRONG!

I said: Well how come when I talk to them they always talk about what I want to talk about and I find out their whole life story and have a good time and that's it?

They said: Because they think that that is the way to get YOU. With other women it may be a different approach

I said: So ALL the guys are like that?

They said: Pretty Much!

I said: I don't believe it!

Then we all started to laugh because we realized that by the time I was done talking to those guys, the conversation had probably gotten so heavy that they just weren't in the mood for what they had intended in the first place. We laughed and laughed and laughed.

I am still kinda oblivious though...I still think guys want to be friends...Why wouldn't they?

They are people too!

I'm not going to worry about it....too much

Friday, September 23, 2005


I used to belong to a student health organization for minority women, called T.H.E.L.O.C.

It's about Total Health and Empowerment for Ladies of Color.
We had all the student organizations partnering with us for all the events we put on.
I love this group. They are so passionate! The core members that you see had mad skills, but we got a lot of help from just random groups and organizations who were so interested in us, just because we existed really.
I was really happy for that. I developed and produced the newsletter and did the pictures, conference presentations, brochures, whatever literature needed production, I was there.

Of course Janice came to just about all of our events. Hahahah! Here she is now with her defunct South Beach Bag. I swear she wore that bag till it was so old..... This was at one of our AIDS benefit showcases to educate students on the latest research etc. Chris (I think he was an honorary member) was showing her some stuff.

The Hispanic Student Union was a major partner with us. They are sooo much fun. Here they are just having fun at our function. Some of their group performed for our event.

We had ethnic food fairs. Here is a pic at some of the girls at the fair in their outfits.

We took part in Unity day, which was a lot of fun. For some reason I thought it would be lame!

After a lot of hard work we had a spa day where we did yoga, had foot and facial massages etc.

Take a look at our pics and the cool logo we had.

We had baseball t-shirts (I generally dislike wearig plain t-shirs) made also that were great, with the logo.

Hugs M

Dick Vitale

You know what's funny?
When I met this guy I didn't know who he was!
Janice is a HUGE sports fan and she bought his book for autographing. Apparently he is a sports caster for college basketball.

So I went with her to this book signing and we got this pic with him.
There was an abominably long line but we stayed and got the pic.

The amazing thing is that a campus faculty/staff magazine used this picture out of the hundreds of others that were taken, to be featured in the magazine.

I sent the magazine home to my mom and gave a couple to Janice.
Meanwhile Dick Vitale was really nice and a really fun guy. I really enjoyed getting this picture

The Real World

Well for a while I was a big fan of the Real World.

Then it started to get super weird on me so I stopped watching it.

I was glad to meet a couple of my fave people on that show though.

Here are pics of me and Norm and Me and Sean. Norm is really a lot of fun.

If he was straight I'd be having a major crush on him. He is tall and warm and yum.

Sean told me that Rachel his wife was too pregnant at the time to join him. I think she is so sweet and cute, I am sorry I missed her.

Hugs M

Heather Tom

Meeting Heather Tom was one of the best stories I have. I was at BW3 with my friends, Janice and Mark.
They wanted to watch the football game but I don't really care for it so I left. I went to Publix and took my time getting fruit and whatever ....I say whatever because I don't ususally buy a lot of stuff, I just like to walk around cool grocery stores and look at everything. Especially the stuff in the ethnic foods aisle.

So anyway, I get home and there are like 5 messages on the answering machine. It's Mark and he's saying that Heather Tom from the Young and the Restless is there. So I ignore the message because he hates Soap Operas and I knew Janice put him up to it.
Just then the phone rang. I picked it up and It's Mark. The first thing I say is "Stop kidding around!"
Apparently Janice grabbed the phone from him and said "Marsha get your butt down here now and bring a camera Heather is here!" At this point I start to panic...In a baaaad way. I drop the groceries, run up the stairs for my camera and head out the door.
I got there in 10 minutes flat.

I get to Mark and Janice's booth and sit down. Janice and I look at her and confirm yes it's Heather. Mark is wanting us to go talk to her but we are scared. So he goes up and asks and she agrees to a pic with us!
Here we are at BW3 with Heather!

Then we find out she is doing a play called PRYMATE and she will have an open discussion. So Janice and I went. We were shocked! there was a maximum of 15 people there.

We sat up front and I think we asked the best questions! Like about her boyfriend and Chad Allen and all the personal stuff...
The other people there were theatre majors and they were BOOORRRINNG! I thought they would have asked cooler questions...They kept talking about the silly actors guild and what to do when you get to LA! DUH!

We asked about if she was going back to Young and Restless and if there was conflict and all the good juicy stuff. She was so nice too!
Later in the year I found out that her sister and brother (both actors) were there in town as well. We missed seeing them! Geez and ages. Check out this picture. Can you tell which one of these glam ladies is a soap star?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

So much SAKI

I think H. H. Munro/ SAKI is my favorite author of all time.

He was a Scottish-born writer whose stories satirize the Edwardian social scene, often in a macabre and cruel way.

You know they say its cruel, but if you read INTO and past the lines, sentences, words and letters, you will see that it's not cruel at all just very matter-of- fact in nature.

Here is a tiny bit of history on him that explains so much about his stories and the characters in those stories. It explains his indifference to aunts, his sarcasm about animals and the country side, overseas travel, women, manipulation of men, and everything else that he expounds on in his stories.

Saki was born Hector Hugh Munro in Akyab, Burma (now Myanmar), the son of Charles Augustus Munro, an inspector-general in the Burma police.

Munro's mother, the former Mary Frances Mercer, died in 1872 - she was killed by a runaway cow in an English country lane.

Munro was brought up in England with his brother and sister by aunts who frequently used the birch and whip.

Among Saki's most frequently anthologized short stories is 'Tobermory', in which a cat, who has seen too much scandal through country house windows, learns to talk and starts to repeat the guests' vicious comments about each other.

I think his style of writing is genious and his stories are dryly comedic, but they make you think. One can really empathize. I highly recommend this author.
Not many people I know have heard of him or ever read any of his stuff....

Go to to find a list of his short stories that you can read right away....They are delicious, and you will never forget this guy once you have read him.

I have his book too..the entire collection of short stories.

Hugs M

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Food - 'dream to here' Experiences

Even food can be a great 'dream- to- here' experience for me.
I love the Fresh Market on Thomasville Road.
The following is an except from an article that I wrote about the Fresh Market the first time I went there.

The inside was dark but not bad dark at all!
Romantic restaurant dark. The kind of romantic restaurant that you saved for two months to take your girlfriend to and you thought to yourself that she had better be impressed because you will be living on pork and beans till your next paycheck.
That kind of dark.
It was like stepping into Gourmet magazine. Just walking right on in to the pages and just swimming in the romantic restaurant with amber lighting darkness.

I picked up a basket. It was decidedly unromantically green and hard plastic but whatever. I was still impressed for they were piled romantically to the left and the right of the automatic doors, which didn’t even make that swishing sound when they opened.
It was like magic.

I moved from right to left in the store. The fruit was perfectly colored and perfectly piled upon perfect green grocer stands. I wasn’t afraid to touch them but I didn’t anyway, because I didn’t want to ruin the presentation.

Deep in the recesses of my mind however I know that even if I inadvertently damaged the pristine perfection of the plum, pomegranate or persimmon displays, that as soon as I had removed myself from the area, a fresh market secret agent would mysteriously appear to make that world right again.

People, the meat was perfect, pink with neither odor nor freezer burn. And the Deli! How wonderful that pre-cooked food looked undoubtedly NOT day old. I was in heaven.
I ignored everyone except the deli workers but I still took my time. Then one lady asked me what I wanted.
What I wanted? What I wanted! Ma’am I want it all, but I don’t want to pay the $9.99 per pound for the coconut chicken with the pineapple sauce. Was it possible to just have the one chicken finger?
It was too possible!.....

That is the end of the excerpt but that store is so surreal.

The classical music on the PA system is priceless. I go there on some Saturdays for the cooking demonstrations. I got some good ideas from the chef.
Look at the background of this pic with the chef...

Look at the darkness and the warm romantic look of it...Geez

I'm a good cook but it never hurts to learn something new...

Like artichokes and warm herb butter...That was the most romantic thing I've ever eaten.

You eat with your hands and it just takes you really do feel euphoric... but you dont say anything because the person you are eating it with may think you are weird.

Hugs M


You know how sometimes you just want to relax and sit in the dark and think?
Just sit and think and think and make up stories in your head and think?

Well at this lighthouse, in the dark you can totally do that. Sometimes I just like to be on the road and thinking, listening to music and just thinking and not know how I got from point A to point B.

Of course there are times when we are on the road to the beach (ask Janice) that we are screaming out the verses to a round or the "Sherwin William Covers The Earth' song.

But here are a couple pics of this light house...45 minutes from Tallahassee proper...I love it at night except for the mosquitoes.

Gosh look at that makes you doze and fall into it...then you can sit by the water and just think.....

In the daytime it's really nice there but at night you can just fall into everything because there aren't many people around.

The people who are there though, just kinda want to be alone and make out I think...but whatever....I can watch them and make up stories hahahahah!

The feeling of this is kind of hard to explain correctly. But it is like being in a magic land where you alone exist and its warm and you feel like you are asleep but awake at the same time.

Moving in slow motion (but faster) and just thinking all the time about whatever you want. I was discussing this feeling with Janice because she went to the beach alone at night in Costa Rica and she said it felt like being on a movie set where she was being filmed...

I asked her: "Like the film Amilie?" and she said "YES! Exactly like that!"

Even when I am walking down the street sometimes I feel like I am being filmed.

So at the Fresh Market its lovely for me because everything is so perfect...That'll be my next entry.
Hugs M

Seafood festival

I went to a seafood festival..a couple hours away from Tallahassee with some friends of mine. I didn't eat anything of the sea there.

I had sausages...Italian sausages with green peppers...SOOO Gooood!

It was fun walking around and seeing all the things on sale. What I really like is the different people that you meet there.

They are so great and friendly.

This guy was selling habanero peanuts! He gave me a free bag of them (they are gourmet), because I took a pic with him. How sweet is that! Also he is a very good looking old guy!

Then this guy was from Guatemala or something and I thought he looked interesting so I took a pic with him. Then there was this stand full of shiny things so I took a pic there too!

I really like these dolls or ceramic whatumacallits.

I thought they were cool. I don't really like ceramic figurines that much so I wouldn't buy them but I like to look at them.

Jars of Clay

I went to a Jars of Clay concert.
My friend Mark went with me.
He dropped me off and went home to do some stuff and when he came back he said he couldn't find me in the line.
The line was so long that they had to have two shows...So I went to the first concert by myself and had a good time.
It was the first time I had ever seen these guys and I loved their music. For those who don't know, they are a christian band with a very cool and contemporary style.

I come out of the first concert and there is Mark in line for the second concert so I joined the line again and saw the show twice! It was just as good.

Those guys were so nice and sweet and they have a great heart for GOD. I noticed that all of them had the very same wedding bands on but I don't believe that they are married..I think it is probably symbolic and I love the fact that they did that.

So as usual I wanted to meet them. I stood in this greeting room where they were signing autographs and their manager said no I waited to the end and I was one of 4 brave people who asked for a pic and got it! YEAH!!

They are so sweet. My friend Mark is standing next to me in the pic and is taller than those guys by far.
The guy in the green (lead singer for Jars) was so nice (and super super cute). I told him thanks when we got the pic and he said "NO! Thank YOU!" The core of me blushed! hahahahahah

Feeling Blessed, Feeling Blessed.

King of Queens

I went to a comedy show and saw Patton Oswalt from King of Queens there.

I didn't like the show at all and it left me with a very bad feeling afterward.

I wish I hadn't gone now but I still took a picture with Patton because I like the TV show.

I wish I met Kevin James. Here is a pic of me and Patton.

He is really short.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Personality Technicality

Umm.. so I took the Meyers Briggs and I am an INTJ.... That always surprises everyone who administers the test to me because they would have taken me for an Extrovert not an Introvert. Well I'm always in my head except for when I have to interact with people I guess....

I'll just copy and paste what the experts say about INTJs with some short comments in bold but you know I think I am just Panner and all you guys who know me well and read my blog tell me if you agree with this assessment of my personality.
Janice I know you've sent me enough personality tests and you always agree with the results I get so you don't have to weigh in if you're bored with this! Hahahahah. By the way Janice I think you are an ENFJ...That is just my guess

So here goes: INTJ (by the way INTJs are only 1% of the population- extremely rare)

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically. --UGH self examination in a public context is always very stressful...but this part is true.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others. -OK but doesn't that make me sound snobby?

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. Their need for closure and organization usually requires that they take some action. - Yeah I really need closure...I'll ask Janice a million questions for some closure! hahahahah (But WHY JANICE WHY?)

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. BLAH BLAH

It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions. -You're telling me!...I can write it down, but explaining stuff face to face leaves me breathless

The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts. They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. - Yeah then people think you are weird :(

However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort. - yeah like Janice because she listens and laughs!

INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well.

They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency. Ok this is me but I always have to have a back up plan! Is that so bad?!

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed. MY FEELING SIDE IS DEFINATELY DEVELOPED!!!!!!!!!!

Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas. EH

The INTJ's often have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. Yeah I guess that happens a lot....

In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves.

This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist. I don't want to hear anything about this part

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. - THIS IS SO TRUE!

They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. This is sad

Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something. Yes I always am

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, Sensate activities, such as over-drinking. Or over walking or over thinking!

They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal. (Like the sent mail Nancy)

INTJ Relationships
INTJs believe in constant growth in relationships, and strive for independence for themselves and their mates. They are constantly embarking on "fix-up" projects to improve the overall quality of their lives and relationships. They take their commitments seriously, but are open to redefining their vows, if they see something which may prove to be an improvement over the existing understanding. INTJs are not likely to be "touchy-feely" and overly affirming with their mates or children, and may at times be somewhat insensitive to their emotional needs.

INTJ Strengths

Not threatened by conflict or criticism

Usually self confident

Take their relationships and committments seriously

Genareally extremely intelligent and capable

Able to leave a relationship which should be ended, although they may dwell on it in their minds for a while afterwards

Interested in optimizing their relationships

Good listeners

INTJ Weaknesses

Not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insesnistive at times

May tend to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than the desired emotional support

Not naturally good at expressing feelings and affections

Tendency to belive they are always right

Tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame

Their constant quest to prove everything may be taxing on relationships

Tend to hold back part of themselves (But doesnt everybody do this to avoid getting hurt too bad?!)

INTJs as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

INTJs live much of their lives inside their own heads. They constantly scan their environment for new ideas and theories which they can turn into plans and structures. Sometimes, what they see and understand intuitively within themselves is more pure and "perfect" than the reality of a close personal relationship. INTJs may have a problem reconciling their reality with their fantasy. UGH THIS IS TRUE

INTJs are not naturally in tune with their own feelings, or with what other people are feeling. They also have a tendency to believe that they are always right. While their self-confidence and esteem is attractive, their lack of sensitivity to others can be a problem if it causes them to inadvertantly hurt their partner's feelings. If this is a problem for an INTJ, they should remember to sometimes let their mate be the one who is right, and to try to be aware of the emotional effect that your words have upon them. This is really not all me...but I have been accused of being insensitive

In conflict situations, INTJs need to remember to be supportive to their mate's emotional needs, rather than treating the conflict as if it is an interesting idea to analyze. But its great to analyze isnt it?

Sexually, the INTJ enjoys thinking about intimacy, and about ways to perfect it. In positive relationships, their creativity and intensity shine through in this arena. (This is for Nancy and Ana-red, teachers, policemen, doctors, CPAs, IRS, mirrors, christmas hats and bells - hahahaha)

In more negative relationships, they might enjoy thinking about sex more than actually doing it.

They're likely to approach intimacy from a theoretical, creative perspective, rather than as an opportunity to express love and affection. Although, the INTJ who has learned the importance of these kinds of expressions to the health of their relationship is likely to be more verbally affectionate.

INTJs are able to leave relationships when they're over, and get on with their lives. They believe that this is the right thing to do. They may have more difficulty accomplishing the task than they like to exhibit to other people. OMG this is so true and everyone who knows me well will agree

INTJs are highly intense, intelligent people who bring a lot of depth and insight into most major areas of their life. In terms of relationships, their greatest potential pitfall is the tendency to think about things rather than doing them, and their difficulty reconciling reality with their inner visions.

INTJs are likely to be in positive, healthy relationships, because they're likely to leave relationships which aren't working for them (unless other circumstances prohibit that).

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the INTJ's natural partner is the ENFP, or the ENTP. INTJ's dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Intuition.

INTJs as Parents

As parents, INTJ's main goal is to raise their children to be intelligent, autonomous and independent. They want their kids to think for themselves and make their own decisions, and so are likely to give them room to grow, and to challenge their decisions and thoughts at key points in their lives. TRUE TRUE

The INTJ is not naturally likely to be an overly supportive or loving parental figure. Since their own need for expressions of love and affirmation is relatively low, they may have difficulty seeing that need in their children who have Feeling preferences. If they do see this sensitivity, they may not recognize or value the importance of feeding it. In such situations, there will be a distance between the INTJ and the child. This is a problem area for the INTJ, who should consciously remember to be aware of others' emotional needs. (I gotta remember this)

INTJs as Friends
INTJs are usually difficult to get to know well, and difficult to get close to. Those who are close to the INTJ will highly value them for their ideas and knowledge. Although INTJs are generally very serious-minded people, they also have been known to enjoy letting loose and having fun, if others pull them into it. They also can be really good at telling jokes, and exhibiting a sarcastic wit with a poker face. (Janice- Football game commentaries)

The INTJ is not likely to choose to spend time with people who they feel don't have anything to offer the INTJ. This is not me..well i don't know for sure but...

They especially like to spend time with other Intuitive Thinkers, and also usually enjoy the company of Intuitive Feelers. These personality types love to theorize and speculate about ideas, and so can usually relate well to the INTJ, who loves to analyze ideas. OH is so fun to hang out with these people!

SO that is it.......

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Primary School

I realize now, looking back on things that I really was in my own little world in primary/elementary school.

We stayed there till we were 11 years old, did these way too hard exams (which we spent a year prepping for), then went off to high school.

During elementary school though, I feel like I was oblivious to the 'social stuff' that I was supposed to be learning about, and be ready for when I got to high school.

I thought that my worst enemy (Nadia) getting bitten by ants was funny...her friends didn't think it was. Even today I don't think the biting part was funny, just the way she jumped around and screamed at everyone to 'get them off!'

How did eight year old Karen know about kissing boys when we were all eight? Eight year old boys were gross and annoying to me..and I didn't know many at all...My brother was 4 and he was annoying enough for a lifetime...but too cute with his little round face...we spoiled him (sigh)

How come they just let me flit from group to group and never insisted that I stick with one group all the time....
I just went where the fun was. If Nikisha's group was boring, I hung out with Tracey, when Tracey got too lame, I hung out with Karen.

Karen had the biggest group because she had the most toys. Barbies, coloring books , doll clothes etc.
I had very few toys because mummy bought us books as presents and doctor sets, scrabble and mad libs.
You couldn't just hang with Karen though, her entourage was too big. You had to get through Candace and Natasha, Ria, Narissa, Nicole and whoever was there that day.
They they were all short too!
Well I was gangly and tall and got picked to shoot hoops in netball. They got picked to do African dances on stage because they wanted everyone to be a uniform height. Miss Nichols was so unfair!

I did get to do the Maypole dance but I got my timing wrong and messed up the christmas dance...I cried all the way home and mummy was sad that I was sad (how sweetly codependent was that?). I can laugh about it now but I still secretly believe that Marissa was the one who messed up and blamed me.....
It's just my luck to find out that the maypole dance his its origins in druidry......
Well at least we were celebrating the birth of Christ with it..That's all I have to say.

Check out my pic of the maypole dance, but picture cute eight year old girls doing the dance instead...

But I digress, so if one of Karen's entourage was feeling 'not quite right' on any given day, you would never know if you'd be allowed to just 'hang'.

How come I didn't understand about cliques till i was sixteen?

How come I never went to any sleepovers (ask mummy)

How come these little girls (we went to an all girl Catholic primary school), let me boss them around sometimes, when I had no clue about anything in life? They obviously knew more than me.

How come we all knew curse words but I wasn't brave enough to say them till I got to college. By then it was too late for just didn't sound right or cool coming out of my lame mouth.

How come I didn't realise that Natasha was stealing my 75 cents when I saw her taking it out of my pencil case....

Why didn't I know that I was supposed to cry when Gillian was going away? I didn't know you were supposed to miss someone who went away! I just thought that that was what people did...

What was up with me?

Well I can definately tell you that part of it was the books I was reading...

I was in Enid Blyton land with the Nughtiest Girl in School, Mallory Towers, fairies, elves, pixies, hot-cold candies and icecream, Faraway Trees, Golliwogs, treacle, Bobby socks, lunch pails, Elevenses, the Famous Five (Julian, Dick and Ann, George and Timmy the dog) and everything British.....

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


The proof of your passion for a thing is your pursuit of it.

I heard that at church tonight....
Hugs M

Beads and Jewelry

I became interested in jewelry making a little while ago (like a year ago), and since then all the presents I've gotten from my friends have been tools and beads, which suits me just fine.

Here are a few of the bracelets I've made...I have tons of them now just sitting around and sparkling...sometimes I get bored and revamp one that's already been made...

This year a colleague of mine gave me a bunch of costume jewelry that she'd had since the seventies.

She actually goes to antique auctions once a month. I went there on her suggestion and found out that it wasn't that great an experience...It wasn't bad but it was really kind of boring...maybe because I didn't intend to buy anything, or maybe because it was at that consignment shop.

I've been to an auction downtown at that hotel across the street from First Baptist Church and that was exciting. The auctioneers are so bossy!

But the old jewelry was all so great. I tore the important bits apart and bought some wire and suede. I fully intend to do something with it...Vintage jewelry findings are totally the in thing right now.

So here they are..I give a lot of them away as presents...people seem to like them.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

John Mayer

Now I don't ususally do this and I am not going to make a habit of this but right now John Mayer and his music are moving me. I like just about all his songs but this is one of my favorites..

Back To You

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me

I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit ever game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

Should have smiled in that picture
If it's the last that I'll see of you
It's the least that you
Could not do

Leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
Leave the light on
For me too

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn't it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be

Monday, September 12, 2005

It's Nice To Relax

So on Saturday night I spent time with two of my favorite people in Tallahasse, Ana and Nancy. I met them at church.

I think our most common meeting spot is Lake Ella, so we met there. I was parking my car and I saw them sitting on a bench talking so I decided to take this picture!

How great is this...It let's me know that anyone can take my pic without me knowing (shivers!).

We went to have dinner and had a lot of fun. The waitress, took our picture. I like how HAPPY we look...It is just really a good thing to get away from it all and just chill....

The waitress told Nancy that she had BEAUTIFUL eyes! I bet Nancy gets that ALL the time...Check out those blue blue eyes on her!

I am not sure if I enjoyed my food there though.
The broiled vegetables had a ton of onion :(

Then we went to Paradigm. Here we are at one of those TALL TALL tables with our martinis...(Just one each for the night). Ana and I had Apple and Nancy had Chocolate....
I like having totally hot friends! (yes that definately includes you too Janice :))

That was as usual, a really good experience because of course, there was Jazz music performed by a band that I had seen at a concert at the Oppenheim Music Hall at FSU.

Those guys know their stuff! They can really groove...

Here we are with the Trumpet player. He is like this cool cat kinda guy, and I found out he is from Trinidad too! He'd actually visited my town when he went back in June of this year!

When he found out that Ana was from Puerto Rico, he almost went crazy talking spanish to her and asking her questions about the music and musicians there.....

I like how he always wears the pinstripe suit. The Bass player was wearing an orange suit that was kinda big and I suppose it was to be modeled after those zoot suits of old! I love it!

Here I am with the trumpet player. He asked me to email him the pics. I will ask him to keep me informed as to where they will be playing.

Anyway the conversation with Ana and Nancy was great (GIGGLE!) ...teachers, doctors, policemen and red.....(I am laughing hard right now)



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