One of the really cool things I have done here is go to the renaissance festival. I have always been interested in medieval times, the days of yore (the days of others I guess as well), so I was all excited when someone invited me to go there.
SO I get out my peasant shirt and put on my low rise black jean with my boots and we head out for a 2 hour drive. During the two hour drive, where I did not drive, I listened ad nauseum to 112’s cupid and Jagged Edge’s “Promise”, People who keep my company tend to think I am bossy about stuff like that. You know listening to what I want on the radio and not asking them what they want to listen to. But see its not that I am bossy, I just think that if they really didn’t want to listen to Cupid, 8 times in a row, and the Promise 12 times in a row, that they would say something like: “Can we listen to something else?”…but no they just sit there and bear it because they like me…so don’t complain afterward that I was being bossy! Its your car, change the song if you don’t like it….
But anyway I have a great time listening to the music and asking questions like:
Me: Are there gonna be turkey legs?
Answer: Probably! (Excitement in responder’s voice)
Me: Are there going to be fairies!?!
Answer: You know I really don’t know! (More excitement)
Me: Will there be jousts?!
Me: Like sword chappin' nuh!
Answer: I guess so
Me: Will there be fortune tellers?
Answer: Yes, we can get our fortunes read (Undue excitement)
Me: Will there be toilets? Because you know I took a senna pill before you invited me to go to this thing
Answer: You know this is outside in the woods right? (Enthusiasm waning just a bit)
Me: What about my senna pill?!?!
Answer: I bet there will be porta potties! You’ll be fine
Me: I can’t leave my purse in the car
Me: I have toilet paper in it
Answer: Marsha I’m sure they will have…
Me: Listen, brrua (brother), I don’t take chances with that kinda thing
Answer: Ok but I’ll have to say I told you so later
SO we get there and park in a large field in the woods. I am being led into the woods. Now having heard many a story in my days as a lass, about woods and women in woods and women being led into the woods, the old trini suspicion was heightened till we really neared what seemed to be some semblance of life and a huge wooden gate in front of which stood a maiden, well a wench…wenches are the ones whose boobs are on prominent display. The wench charged us thirty five dollars a head and told us to have a good time. I thought to myself that there had better be real fairies up in there, asking me what I wished for so that they could very well grant it to me, for my thirty five dollars!
Inside we were hereby invited to browse through the enchanted crafts Village where over one hundred merchants and artisans demonstrated and sold their wares. We were asked to behold glass blowing, hammered pewter, wooden toys, unique pottery, clothing and a wealth of other riches.
We listened to story tellers, feasted on huge succulent turkey legs, (you know the ones that you see on TV when you watch King Arthur or something), ate ice-cream, Scotch eggs, love knots (pretzels) and the Queen's buns hot out of their bakery ovens. We visited the Pub and toasted to the Royal Court with a tankard of ale, watched a puppet show with Twenty 4 year olds and laughed at all the corny jokes and antics, threw knives and metal stars at boards, ate funnel cakes (oh so good!), ran away from the muddy peasants and pixies spraying pixie dust (carnival glitter dust) and had a good time!
I even got to talk to an Earl, he was dressed in black tights and full medieval costume and said that I was a pretty maiden. I asked him if he had coins in his pouch, and could I see inside (I meant the leather pouch that was tied to his waist but I think he felt I was asking something else), and he asked if he could see into my purse….I got all confused and then realized he must have his real American money in there…Earls are not supposed to lie, then beat around the bush, but he was very attractive so I let that pass, he kissed my hand and then I was off for more fun and adventure.
Well the fun and adventure stopped when my senna pill kicked in….I had my bottled water, which Mark gallantly held while I entered the hot porta potty (I went into the handicap stall since it was bigger). This was the first time ever in a porta potty…It was gross, and there was no toilet paper! Good thing I had brought my own…There was also no running water…thank goodness I had my bottled water. But after all that my trini-itis kicked in again. SO there was no running water and no toilet paper and these were the ONLY facilities in the entire wood…so all those food serving wenches, stewards, serf, and peasants…what did THEY do when nature called?
I had one more funnel cake and a large pickle from a bucket sold by a man who advertised that he had BIG pickles that were sure to satisfy, and that was it for me with the food at the festival.
We watched the jousting where the knights in shining amour were quite attractive, (except for the woman knight who looked like a man), then I had my fortune read (all the gold in the world is gonna be mine someday).
By the time I got home I was dirty from head to toe, much like you would feel after last lap on Carnival Tuesday, and I was tired of the EAGLES hotel California. I scrubbed down and went to sleep.