One of

I didn't want to write too much about Michael Jackson but I always loved his music.
One of my fav songs of his was Liberian Girl.
They don't play this song as much as they play the other songs but I always used to 'empty room, in dark and silence' to this song.

Across the street

You can sit and look at this and scare yourself with all the stories you make up

Just from the view.

The location is actually very pretty.
I like being there.

Counter

That's the name of the short story that started to unfurl yesterday.
I didn't write it down because I think I am gonna remember it.
Its different from the rest.

I'm tired.
I'm slinking away from everybody.
It's like my skin gets sensitive when the stress is near so any contact is too much.
Only a couple I can take and then only in small small doses.
I can only read now.
Interacting is too hard
Maybe because I do it wrong in the first place.
I am either all in or all out. :(
Words Words words
I like them
That's why it's a comfort now, when the stress is near.
Tons of emails :)
wishing well and wanting to come see me...YIKES

ick

I don't know what to write
I am calm but not, but I am, but I am not
Ok I am calm, but walking on a thin line.
I can't see anybody or talk too long or anything.

I just want to be alone for this week, and the next, and just relax but do what I need to do.
Any smiles you see belies my non smile on near the surface of that smile.

Unsolvable

Never thought I would encounter a
Kobayashi Maru :(

A Miss Day

Just because

I'm tired.
This coming week will be stressy.
Gonna disappear.

Howard

I think Mary J Blige made a great choice in actors for her Be Without You video
Terrence Howard
Sigh....
I like him in EVERYTHING that he is in
Well why I like him especially in this video, is that he made me believe in the 'him and Mary relationship

Look at this

And This

And this

and This

And this


"Chemistry was crazy from the get-go"

Savage sun

Making me wilt.
i have never been out walking and then had to sit down on the sidewalk
I felt so sleepy.
Like I could sleep right there.
That was such a strange feeling like a daze and a haze
I could see but it seemed topsy turvy
101F is too much I assume

My apartment wasn't much better.
I didn't want to sleep
I listened to the three cds that Florence made for me
Then the others that people randomly gave to me as I pass by them here and in NYC.
That was sweet of them.

I don't have airconditioning- I refuse to succumb
My fans move the hot air around and I have to wera/not wear very light things to even sit and listen to the music and read.
But I prefer to listen to outside
People talk about random things
In different languages
So I make up in my head what they are talking about

This is what the heat does to me :)

Blige- Happy

Mary J Blige never disappoints :)
Be Happy
JUST FINE is another of my favorites of hers too...
I can't wait to start living!

lyrics for Be Happy

How can I love somebody else
If I can't love myself enough to know
When it's time,
Time to let go
Sing

[Chorus]
All I really want
is to be happy
And to find a love that's mine
It would be so sweet


[Verse 2]
I ask for the sign
From the sweet Lord above
I know the answer is in front of me
But when you think you're in love
You only see what you wanna see
And all I see is me for you
And you for me

Oh I cannot hide the way I feel inside
(No I don't know why)
I don't know why but every day I wanna cry
(Every day I wanna cry)
If I give you one more try
To there rules, will you abide
And if I mean anything to you
Would it make everything all right

[Chorus]

I just wanna be so, so, happy
But the answer lies in me
I do believe
That we can be happy
I said I wanna be happy, yeah

[Verse 3]
Life is too short
To be tryin to play some games
Now take some time and think about
If it's really worth losing me
Why must it be this way
Why do you have to play with my mind
All the time
Help me sing it

All I really want is for me to be happy
Ohhh, just help me sing it
All I really want is for me to be happy
Yeahhhhhhh
All I really want is for me to be happy
Oh, you know I wanna be happy, yeah, yeah
[repeat through chorus]

I don't wanna have to worry about nothin no more
Said I wanna be, said I wanna be, said I wanna be
[Chorus]

Mengna

Thank goodness for Mengna
We talked for like an hour and she was so supportive and encouraging...
I feel so much better.
Sometimes you don't know you need something then when you get it....
Wow it was one of the best conversations ever.
I know such great people! They are always around and when I least expect it someone swoops in and does something great for me.
They have no reason to be nice but they just are..
Its such a relief!

Trek

These days are so hot.

Its hard to enjoy outdoors

Even for me, and I prefer the heat.

But we went and it was pretty

Like a hiss

Like chuchoter

Like Sitkriti

The best thing.

Meet cutes

Jennifer Aniston has a movie coming out with Aaron Eckhart called Love Happens.
I saw the preview
It looks cute/sweet/ predictable/ nice (gonna see it)
They have a meet cute in it.
You know- how the two main characters in a romantic comedy meet (the meet cute)

Florence Dedication

Florence dedicated Never by Jaheim to me!
The lyrics are sweet
:)
Thanks Flore!




Never
Will I Break Your Heart
Never
Will We Ever Part
Never
Cant Believe I Used To Say It, I Used To Say
Never
Will I Love This Way
Never
Give My Heart Away
Never Would This Player Hang His Jersey Up And Leave The Game
Never Would Of Thought In A Million Years, I Would Be Here
Thats Why I Say
Never
Would I Know The Truth
Never
Would I Know That You Would Come Into My Life And Make Everything New (Oh)
Never Would Of Thought I Would Take Your Hand, Girl I Swear
I Would Never,Never,Never,Never,Never Say Never Again (Again, Again)

soooooo......

So when you're taking out the trash or going to the laundry a few buildings away, or walking round the neighborhood for exercise or just going to get your mail, and they say hello and you say hello back and they smile and just stand there, and you nod, and they look like they are gonna say something else, but then your mind goes back to what it was you were doing and you walk the heck off

That's wrong right?
You're supposed to let them talk some more and and talk back and not walk away (unless they are really weird or unattractive) and all this?
ugh
Guess I am gonna have to try it maybe..
Except I want to do what I want to do which is
get my mail
Do my laundry
Take out the trash
Go back into the apartment and chill.
But its the Year of Yes. RUNAWAY
So....

Except

We just talked and both realized that we had weird dreams (I had a kinda nightmare), last night.
My dream looked exactly like what were were doing when we were hanging out but I know there was a scary weird element to it.
I know that I was scared or confused or something but still safe.
She said hers was weird.
Did True Blood cause this?
I know watching it again doesn't diminish the POW factor that the show has. I still get scared at the scary parts and my breath still catches at the 'breath taking' parts.
Yikes

Day 5

Day 5 is a great day.
I am perfectly fine.
Huh!
Didn't think it would be this short a time.
I think having a tremendously great time last night put it over the top

Everything is just back to normal :)
like before before before! Amazing....
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that I'm great I don't really have to keep day tracking anymore so......
see ya :)

Umm

I want to talk about "Hood Rat Stuff"
There was this cute little 8 or 9 year old kid/boy who took his grandma's car and went joyriding. The police stopped him and brought him home, and the grandma was crying saying she didn't know what to do with him
The news got the whole story and interviewed the grandma and the kid.
The kid/boy insisted that he likes to do 'hood rat stuff' and doesn't want to quit.
His grandma cried.
Ok its tough and sad, but ever since I heard him say he likes doing 'hood rat stuff', that phrase has been stuck in my mind.

Anytime I eat half an apple and throw the rest away, I think to myself:
"Well yeh cuz I likes to do hood rat stuff"

Anytime I think mean thoughts about someone when they do something rough I think "Yeh cuz I likes to do hood rat stuff"

Anytime rip a page out of a note book to write a story idea that's kinda 'rough' I think "Yeh cuz I like to do hood rat stuff"

Ok.

I know

I'm lame

:(

Chocolate covered freedom

So I guess that means that once you get a taste of something that you decided you didn't want for a long time, and then you have to put it aside, your appetite for it is still there.

But it also means that since your appetite is still there that you are willing to taste the new
So Here goes...Day 4 moves into Day 5

Day 4

Day 4 is a better day

Resolution.

Toony for Day 3

Everything is funny/not funny
Laugh

Laugh

Laugh (befunky.c)
I am in a cartoony mood today.
Somebody in a cartoon always gets had!
Best to laugh it up.

I have to

I want exactly THIS. Look at it :)


I keep sending and receiving pictures of this great couple to and from friends and all we can do is sigh...

I so want this.
They have fun and bond just coming off a plane ....ooooooooooo

Oh My

I think its what all us women want. Who wouldn't?
Obviously none of us have got this yet but we can hold out for it.
Its not TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE
It can't be.
It has to be that one can hold out for the best and and keep enjoying one's self and all the simple things in life and laugh, and joke, and play and be childish, and serious, and smart and lovely, and attract the same type of person and the end result is HAPPY! :)

They even have a SEXY LOVE version which I think is so appropriate! :)
They also have a Cassandra Wilson YOU MOVE ME...
These make me spin with Nostalgia like nobody's business. If you don't wish for this thing...wow!


The one video was sung to the words of that Chester See song ...It'll make you cry if you're not too jaded about life and love and all of that, and I'm not :)

" God Damn you're Beautiful"

On the days I can't see your eyes,
I don't even want to, open mine.
On the days I can't see your smile,
Well i'd rather sit, wait the while.
For the days I know you'll be near,
'Cause a day without you, just isn't fair.
See the days I can hear your voice,
I'm left without a choice.

Plus I get weak in the knees,
Fall head over heels baby,

And every other cheesy cliche`.
Yes I'm sweeped off my feet,
Oh my heart skips a beat.
But there's really only one thing to say.

God damn your beautiful to me,
Your everything, yeah thats beautiful
Yes to me, Ohhh

I can't find the words to explain,
Just how much you got me going insane.
When you speak to me sometimes we fight,
Oh I studder my words i say nevermind.
'Cause even when you just walk by,
Well I look around to seem occuppied.
'Cause i'm trying so hard to hide,
Yeah, All these feelings inside.

'Cause i get weak in the knees,
Fall head over heels baby,
And every other cheesy cliche`.
Ohh I'm sweeped off my feet,
My heart skips a beat.
But theres really only one thing to say.

God damn your beautiful to me, Ohhh
Your everything, Yeah, thats beautiful
Yes to me, Ohhh
Yes to me, Ohhh

Yeah your beautiful..
Yeah your beautiful..
God damn, your beautiful,
To me,
To me.

I love the song and the lyrics

Days of pain

Ugh
Hair combing when I was little was the worst

Screaming, crying, yelling, more creaming, running, hiding, hiding the comb, greasing, more screaming, silent tears
Sounds like a relationship (Set Adrift on Memory Bliss)
Now I have control of my hair- kinda
Its starting to get rounder in shape- especially in the back, so I am becoming more happy with it.

It takes forever to do it without pain...

So one day

Was kinda dreaming and then...

This sorta happened :)
Dane Cook
because he is funny...
And well, you can see the rest
This is DAY 3

Schedule

Somehow suddenly its morning and DAY 2 and through no fault of my own, its back to long phone calls in the middle of the night and IM conversations late late late.
But I needed to have these I imgaine.
Long conversations about something and nothing, and something, and bouncing ideas back and forth. The why- why- why...
The only person who can answer the why is the person you need to ask of course. No sense in trying to guess.
That's the something
The nothing...or what is supposed to be the nothing is the sudden declarations you've only just begun to hear.
It's surprising.
It's tiring.
Why is nobody upfront from the beginning.....
But its the YOY (year of yes) so I have to listen and be receptive and give them a chance.
Until the real....

Glover

I finally saw some of Soundtrack for a Revolution, the documentary that Danny Glover executive produced that was at the Tribeca Film festival. They showed a bit of it on PBS when they were showing a documentary about music of the civil rights era
I didnt see the whole thing
Just in and out because I was doing other things while the tv was on, but what I saw was so good.
I wish I had time to just watch everything that is out there.

Putic

I like this much better than the other.
I get to write
I get to say what I want to
I get to do pictures

I get to...
Whenever
However
Whomever

I missed writing here
I guess that other place had me feeling a little trapped....

Reporting

Day 1: Just breathed in and did what I had to do.
No more talk every day, every week, every month
Big steps, not baby steps.

Flore texted and then came to see me
Gave me a cd she made up for me.
So sweet.

Yes

Ok so I decided a few weeks ago that this was gonna be my year of yes (yoy), but I have to really be serious about it now.

I have to be serious about saying yes to the things I said no to before that were serious and important for me to get what I really want and need.
So here goes :)
Day 1.

Kwanten

I remembered him (Ryan K) from Summerland
Now that he is Jason Stackhouse- cherry on the red velvet cake that is True Blood
And he is Australian :)
Anyway when I look at this guy
I hear
Maya's Best Of Me (with Jay-z)
Cuz you know for some reason I think its in his True Blood contract to appear shirtless in every episode at least twice.
("Jigga man be ballin")
I have never seen the likes of this on television before
I put the lyrics below because it sums up his entire role I've seen on the show so far

"Lips are telling me yes
While you're kissing on my neck
Making me feel soft
Should I stay, should I go?
I don't know
Your hot boy style drives me wild
But in the back of mind I know

Even though I wanna see
How you put that thang on me
I can't let you get the best of me
Even though I wanna see
How you put that thang on me
I can't let you get the best of me"

The premiere of the second season of True Blood was last night, of course I didn't see it, can't wait to though. I'll have to get the season on dvd again. The latest review I got from a friend in email was
"A lot of gross stuff happened"
I have to know what's up so I'll read recaps.

You can feel this feelin' all around the world

Nothing like Janet Jackson and Beenie Man to " cool it up"

"It's alright
If you feel it boy (Feel it, feel it)
You can feel this feelin' all around the world
It's ok
If you feel it
Forget everything and everybody
Boy, let's just have a party, me and you"

Listening to THIS is putting me in dance mood again
Hope we can find the hip hop soon...

"And I don't care what you kiss
But you can kiss girl"

Jazz Piano

I've taken to going to this place to listen to jazz piano

Its one of the more soothing things in the world I think
So relaxing

You don't realize sometimes how tense everything is till your friend drags you out to relax.

Then everything literally melts away.

Neglect

Because of that book place
I neglected this book space
I use here to remember what, when, how and who
lately its been to jot down bits of feeling of incidents, in time and space
recording the events is supremely better however and now that that other book place is gone
I have more time for the events.
For example
That warm day in the winter when that friend... and then we went... and then we did
Blah blah blah

(Insert pic here)
So I am on again :)

Difference

I have a few face pics
All of them so serious
In some (only a few) I break loose

Most just serious
Thinking too hard maybe
ugh
I want some real breakloose ones
I enjoy life too you know!
I go off and do my own thing when I went, where I want, and how I want.
So it goes without saying that I should have some of those kinds of pics
Perhaps soon I will
Get some 'cool' pics I mean...
In the mean time I am going SERIOUS

Today however is a GOOD day!

Faces Faces

Ok what can be cooler than this?

This guy is so cool

You can tell he enjoys life

Big personality you can tell.

Also just by looking at him you can tell that he probably breaks out into dance and song when the mood suits him at home (just like me hahhaha).

I love a person who can just let loose and play

This guy can play

Look at how he sits, and leans.

Man that kinda confidence you can't fake or buy!

:)